SEEEEXXX PLEASE
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
