How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
