Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
