I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Randomize
