How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
