Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Randomize
