So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
