the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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