Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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