the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
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