New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize
