I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
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