I'm gonna have a badass scar
I think my fart just growled at me.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
jump out the window naked night went bad
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
