Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Randomize
