when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
You don't make any sense
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