A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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