why didn't you poke me back
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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