Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Randomize
