i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
