Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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