Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Randomize
