smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Randomize
