I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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