It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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