I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
