Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
There r osticjed everywhere
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
