my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
