My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
