Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
I feel like abortions should bother me more
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Edward fifth and chaser hands
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
