Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Randomize
