just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
