I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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