I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
