My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
