she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I can't turn off my feet"
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
