Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
