If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
