he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
