ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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