if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
not ubering you a puppy
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
