When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
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