Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
