do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
