you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Sponge bath it is.
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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