1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
