Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
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