tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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