You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
