My girlfriend figured out who you are.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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