I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
