worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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