i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Randomize
