She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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