The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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