just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
